My Miracle At The Dump Today!

     Since I wrote my last blog, I was thinking about about my sign at the dump that I painted so many years ago, and I wanted to take a picture and blog about it.  Today I was not working and the dump was open, so I gathered all sorts of junk together, including my recycled items, and off I went with my camera.  As I turned into the entry and drove down the road, I could only see one sign, and discovered my sign was gone.  I was so disappointed!!  I have been looking at my sign for nearly 20 years, watching it wear away with time and weather, and at times I would think, "I wish I could take it down before someone throws it away".  I went to the transfer station, got rid of my junk and recycles, then I decided to walk around to see if it was perhaps taken down and put someplace safe on display.  I did not find it.  So, I asked the man working there if he knew anything about the sign being taken down and he didn't realize there ever was a sign.  Then he called to this young guy in the office and asked him about it and also never knew there was a sign.  It was nailed up high on a telephone pole, so, it is possible that people did not look up at it.  I left, feeling sad, but realizing there was nothing I could do, then this is when my miracle happened.
     As I drove back down the road, I looked at the poles again, then the corner of my eye saw something white.  I pulled over, ran over and found my sign on the ground face up, waiting on the ground for me to get it and bring it home! The wood was broken where the top nail was, but the hole for the bottom nail was intact.  I picked it up and put it in my car.  At home I took a picture of it and now you can see it!  It is so beat up and peeling, but it makes me happy.  This is the logo that someone else designed.  I drew a grid over the tiny logo and created the design on paper, then transferred it to the board, then painted it.  It is trees, a lake and jumping fish. I am very happy to have my sign back, I never expected it would happen like this!  Thanks for reading!

I Remember!!

     I had so much on my mind last night, that when I was trying to sleep, my mind was flooded with thoughts.  It's enough to drive you crazy!  I was thinking about my blog and what I wrote, then I suddenly remembered that I did create during that long period of not having art in my life. I will explain:
     After I completed nurses training (and not art school) and found myself fully employed, my life moved in the direction of more and more responsibilty, having a car, getting an apartment, getting married, having children (and pets), our own house and working and working and working.  I have a theory that before I was born and I was standing in line for everything I was getting in life, there must have been alot of glamorous advertising for the work end of things, my eyes must have lit up and I said, "I'd like an extra helping", and then they said, "for a minimal sacrifice of your time, would you like that super-sized?" and I said, "YES!".  Despite all my working, I always had an economy crunch, so I am fully prepared for the economy crunch of the present day as far as coping skills.  When everyone was in their hayday, I was scrounging for all bargains.  I think it made me stronger and taught me many things for survival.
     Before I had children I took a 10 week class in Stretch and Sew, a fun sewing technique for the new knit fabrics that were being made.  (I have several wonderful patterns in my attic, and I still have my ball point needles, someday I will have time to create clothes for the pure fun of it!)  I was able to use those skills in North Carolina where my son was born after I bought an inexpensive t-shirt and overall outfit; I figured out the pattern on paper and made him clothes real cheap. I made slip covers for my unattractive couch that 6 pillows, by just measuring and cutting and sewing, and I enjoyed the couch much better afterwards for a long time.  When my son was Christened, I made his outfit.  When my daughter was Christened, I crocheted a beautiful coat to wear over the dress and a matching hat. (I do not crochet, I am a passionate knitter, but if I need to crochet, I have to work extra hard to figure it out).  Then on her First Communion, I sewed this beautiful dress for her using wedding gown fabric, I treasure this dress to this day! (And when I was getting myself ready, I couldn't find her and she was outside on her bicycle, in her dress, with her wreath of flowers and ribbons in the back, making circles saying, "This is Nunsense! This is Nunsense!" (the name of the play or movie that was out at the time).  When expecting my son, I was able to make my maternity clothes and had learned how to alter pants by adding a stretchy panel to pants in Stretch and Sew.  When I was expecting my daughter, I was in a worse crunch, so I told myself I was going to devote 2 solid weeks to sewing maternity clothes and that I did. I sewed from the time I got up to when I went to work for 3pm and I had a wardrobe done in 2 weeks. Whew, that was hard, but it was great when it was done!  Then years later, I joined our local recycling volunteer group at our new transfer station for trash (it had been a landfill), and they needed someone to paint a sign for the dump with the recycling logo. I volunteered, but I had not painted since high school. I was given a square piece of wood and 2 cans of house paint, blue and white. I had so much fun, calling up all past experience of designing and creating. The sign was hung and nearly 20 years later, is still there. I shall have to take a picture of it and blog about it before it is taken down and trashed!  Then, there was the sad Christmas that I lost my nursing job because the hospital closed, this was the beginning of the end of health care in the past, I've seen it all.  I was broke to begin with working, but then I had no money before Christmas and it was a nightmare, but I went to the store, bought a $2 skein of yarn and started crocheting mittens so I could go to the family Christmas party with some gifts for the kids.  So, yes, I did create, but out of pure necessity, under duress.  But this is all good, I am strong, I am resourceful, I have skills that help me survive.  I am glad for the path I was given, alot of good has come out of it, like a fantastically wonderful family who have good survival skills, too!  My treasures! Thank you for listening/reading, this will help everyone understand why there is a reinvention going on.

Becoming Myself

     "Hi, Anne-Marie, let me introduce myself to you, I am your old true self, the person you were intended to be!  I kind of went away for a long time, I just sat in the corner, doing nothing, waiting for you to want me to come back. I never forgot you, I never stopped remembering everything important that you did or the dreams that you wanted to do.  I kept it all stored away for when you wanted it all back again.  I am glad to be back, I have wonderful things in store for you, just you wait and see!"
     Well, what is possessing me to write about this?  I am always working on self-improvement and being happy. For so many years I was not true to myself and there was an empty spot in my heart that needed to be filled.  My art was missing for so many years. Not only my art in terms of painting and drawing, but I stopped knitting, sewing, emboidering, creating, dreaming. Life was survival, being strong, and just getting through each day, feeling drained and there just was no more to me.  I found myself as I was unemployed for that year, so thankfully, as I was able to relax, I became free to figure out what I really enjoyed and wanted to do, as I pondered what do I do with my life next.
     Because of the stress of life leading up to my unemployment, and the grieving process of losing my job and also my beloved brother, I put on so much weight from not eating or exercising properly.  I decided in December, "enough is enough, I can not carry this burdon anymore!" and I went back to Weight Watchers. I am successfully losing my weight, I feel better, and yesterday I changed my "messy style" haircut to a short and sassy style.  I noticed a couple of weeks ago and shared at my WW meeting that when I look in the mirror, I am recognizing myself now.  The extra weight did something to my face!  My whole image is returning back to who I was and I am thrilled!
     One thing that happened to me a couple of weeks ago is I went someplace to have my glasses repaired. The man came back and said to me, are you......and he said my whole name including my maiden name from childhood. He was someone I went to school with from Kindergarten to High School and he recognized me from his memory, he told me I look the same!  I was so happy!  All I want to be is my true self, not what someone else thinks I should be. I want to be happy, healthy and make my dreams come true, no matter how old they are, no matter how long they were stored away in a corner. Is that asking too much?

I Could Doodle All The Day!

     I love to doodle!  My whole life!  In school my note margins would be filled with drawings, words, eyeballs, lips, noses, horses, cats, dogs, birds, whatever popped into my head to draw.  Oh, and yes, my notes from class were somewhere in there!
     I will doodle at my work if I find my time filled with nothing to do.  This past Friday I had such time.  My role was to give injections when asked and in between I sat at my computer.  I do not sit still very well, but it is what I must do to get through my day in order to perform my role.  I sat at this nurse's desk who had interesting things all around and I kept looking at this adorable small statue of a nurse with some sort of phrase like Nurses Need Patients, or Have Patients.  I finally realized that my time was empty enough to sketch, so I posed this statue and had fun drawing her.  Later on I realized I had time to get her from a different angle, so I did a quick side view.  I really like her a lot and can see her in animation.  I can picture her moving about doing something interesting.  I guess that will at a later time when I can learn to do this.  I will tuck these sketches away with my other "good" doodles.  I have more that I drew that impressed me and made me happy, I will have to just dig them out and show them side time!  Do any of you enjoy doodling, too? I'd like to see them!

Fixing To Do Something

     Back a long time ago, I was fortunate to go on a cross country camping trip then settled to live for one year in Charlotte, NC.  I truly loved to hear the different phrases used in the different parts of the country, and one in particular is in the South, people were always "fixing" to do something.  Up in the North, we don't fix to do anything, we just do it, or we are getting ready, or preparing. Fixing is what you do when something is broken.  But when I heard it continuously as part of the speech, it sounded so endearing, that I still remember it and how nice it sounded.
     Part of my art process is getting everything ready, putting out my supplies, setting things up, standing back and evaluating what I have done, thinking about what I still have to do.  It is a necessary part in my mind of getting things ready, but I have heard myself speak in my head, "I'm fixing to paint!", or, "I'm fixing to draw!" and it makes me feel happy, because fixing to do something is a wonderful thought to me, rather than just saying, I'm getting my stuff out, or I'm setting up this easel.  There is a real intention in this phrase, and there is a real outcome expected, rather than just doing a task, or a chore.
     I am still working on this beautiful room that has my art supplies.  Things became so jumbled up, as I would bring things in, drop them and close the door.  I could do my art on the dining room table, or set an easel in an open space there.  Well, this weekend I'm fixing on getting my room in good working order.  I have discovered I have enough supplies and books.  I have 3 drawing books, an oil painting and a water color technique book, plus way more!.  I found a book about the life of Leonardo DiVinci, I have several calligraphy books, I found my container of various size nibs.  I have frequented a wonderful used book store in West Brookfield called The Book Bear and I have found the most wonderful art books there!  I have so much art paper!!
     In conclusion, I'm fixing to do some art!!  I found the picture of me sitting with Forrest Moses, a son of Grandma Moses, something else important in my life I want to blog about.  I'm fixing to blog more!